Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
