Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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