I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
