Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
