I just pynch a tree in the face
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
