if i can run in heels then i can drive
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
