ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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