i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
