Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
love makes seman taste better
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
