3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
