Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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