I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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