I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
