I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
