Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
