all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
