This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
