I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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