Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
