fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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