I must be too annoying 4 u.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
