Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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