He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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