he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
