dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
