i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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