Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
