im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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