Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
