Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
