That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
