I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your face is a jimmy john
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
try to milk me bitch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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