and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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