Apparently you make a good broom.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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