Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
