I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
