o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
