He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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