bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
