You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
