I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
