me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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