Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
