she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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