I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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