i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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