Already got asked if we're dating
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
