I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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