JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
