Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
