we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
