at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
