i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
