why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
