the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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